Timshel: Jimmy
by BrilliantDarkness
Summary: Emma is kidnapped. Can the boys find her in time? Timshel: A Story in Four Part Harmony.


**We had a crazy idea late one night. Inspired by Mumford and Son's _Timshel_ and Akira Kurosawa's _Rashomon_ -One song, one story, four riders, four writers, and four separate pieces. This is Jimmy's story.**

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><p>The heat of Emma's blood soaking through my shirt and hitting the skin of my chest brought me out of the fog I think I'd been in. It seemed then was the first time all day that I'd seen things through my own eyes. Up until that moment I had felt like I was watching myself move through some horrible dream. I thought I handled myself pretty well for running on pure instinct as I had been. Well, I did right up until the end. I would never admit this to another living soul save the one leaning against me right then but I just knew in my deepest being that it was my bullet lodged in her shoulder. Maybe it made sense that since I was missing what I was aiming at anyway that I had blessedly missed her head or her heart but still it came far too close. She had tried to warn me about living by the gun and I knew she was scared and for the first time I understood her fear. I wouldn't only hurt the men who called me out, I'd sooner or later hurt every single person I cared about.<p>

It seemed right about then the sun was getting in my eyes, or at least that's what I was going to tell anyone who saw the wetness in them.

"I'm sorry, Emma," I choked out thinking she was unconscious but she weakly reached and patted my chest with her good arm.

"You're a good boy, James Hickok," she said and I could hear in her voice how much pain she was in. "I wish you knew that sometimes. You'll be a good man someday too if you'd just quit being in such a fired up hurry to get there."

She shifted a little and I heard the small gasp of pain as her shoulder protested. I tightened my grip on her knowing it was the only comfort I could offer her.

"We'll be at the doc's soon," I said, my voice thick with the tears I hoped she wasn't noticing. "You just hang on a little longer, Emma. I know it's not nearly enough but I am awful sorry."

"You save those tears and those apologies as well for someone who needs them," she chastised me and for once I didn't mind one bit her trying to sound like a ma to me. Lord knew I needed one and I sure didn't have the one who brought me into the world anymore. "I don't need tears or apologies, Jimmy. I'm going to be fine."

Yeah, she would say that. She never thought as much about herself as she did about us so of course she would say what I needed to hear to try to clear my conscience. It wasn't going to clear that easy this time though. Hell, it never was completely clear. It probably never would be. I didn't deserve a clear conscience either. Forget the people I'd killed or helped to kill, my part in causing this woman to be put in danger and then hurt, sealed my fate. I knew I was no good but this just proved it.

The number of times I could have changed the path I was on and just wasn't willing to take that fork in the road. Maybe you can argue that I was too young when I got hooked up with Dobbins to know what he was and maybe even too young and too hungry when the judge stumbled on me but a simple 'I'm sorry' could have saved the heartbreak I saw in Emma's eyes when I brought her father's watch back to her. She tried to tell me and I tried to resist. Who was she to talk to me like a kid, like her kid? I ain't got a ma anymore and I don't need someone trying to fill her shoes. Only that's a lie. I do need that. I want that but then I can't want it. I can't look at one more selfless, loving soul and feel how I felt when I failed her and then I see it happen all over again. I failed Emma too. I might've played at blaming the other guys for the bullet in her shoulder and I guess it could have been theirs as easy as mine but I knew this was my own doing. I caused this and it almost didn't matter if she was going to be okay because I would never, as long as I lived, forget her scream as she fell to the floor or even the terror hidden behind the strength in her dark eyes when she was grabbed. My fault. Every bit of it, my fault.

Now maybe it wasn't my fault the men were hassling us and at that time we was just minding our business and watching a poker game. We came into town with Emma to help her get supplies and while the order was getting readied she turned us loose. We wandered down to the saloon to see what was happening there. Not much as it turned out so we stood around watching Mike and Pete play a few hands. We lost Cody maybe a hand in when he wandered over to make eyes with one of the girls. I can't say as I blamed him. The game was boring but I didn't feel like getting yelled at and I knew I'd be less likely to get Emma mad at me watching poker than I would socializing with one of those girls. I wasn't sure why I cared so much but sometimes I did get weird where Emma was concerned and I would do things that were completely outside myself. I spent a lot of time trying not to think about the pull Emma had on me. Of course the more you try to not think about something the more you dwell on it. I didn't even need Teaspoon's confusing words to tell me that.

I didn't even pay a great deal of attention to the men when they walked in, people are allowed to walk into saloons, you know. Probably wouldn't have paid them no mind either if one of 'em hadn't taken to hassling Buck. I can't explain what these guys are to me. I barely know 'em really, we haven't been working together all that long I guess but they've already been there for me when I needed them and was too proud to ask for the help. Maybe that's all it is too or maybe it's that I know bullies and I watched one do my ma every way but right. Hell, I don't know what it is but I don't want to see none of them done wrong or hurt or threatened. So the first mention of savage or half-breed or whatever ugly words they decided to toss around got me a little riled. I looked to Buck and he shook his head keeping his eyes on the poker game. I held back respecting how he wanted to handle it.

I got even angrier when another of 'em started in on Ike, calling him 'dummy'. But still, Ike was keeping his head up and his eyes focused on the table and Mike and Pete's game. It was harder and harder to keep from jumping in and defending them but a man should be allowed to call shots like that for himself and if they wanted to take the high road then I guess I have to let them. I was doing an alright job of holding my temper in check. I'll admit I didn't even try to keep my wits about me when another of 'em started in on me saying I must carry the gun to make up for maybe not having all a man ought to have to satisfy a woman. Probably a stupid thing to lose my cool over especially since it ain't true at all. I really couldn't help it then, I did lose my cool, and it was about then that one of them guys spat a big glob of tobacco juice in Buck's face. I think he and I gave up the high road right about the same time and Ike wasn't too far behind in throwing the punches. Still it was a little unbalanced of a fight so I hollered to Cody for a little help in evening the odds a bit. I know Cody didn't want to stop talking to Linda but then he never was one to pass up a fight or the chance he might impress a lady while taking part in one. He jumped right in and we made pretty short work of those guys who came in thinking they were so tough.

We was just about to start slapping each other on the back for a job well done when Emma came in and if looks could kill we would've all been six feet under that quick. Women have this look they can give men and it will make you feel about three inches tall and turned to stone. Emma was real good at that look. I'd seen her shoot it to Sam enough times. How that man kept coming back I wasn't sure but I understood why. Emma was something special. She didn't do herself up like the women in the saloon but she had real pretty eyes and she was one hell of a cook. Anyway, she was giving us that look and I suddenly didn't feel too good about beating those guys up. In fact I was starting to feel a little sick about it.

Emma started into hollering at us, "Have I taught you boys nothing?"

I didn't hear anything really past that. In fact I was starting to get mad at Emma for calling us out like that in front of those men who'd just been picking at us. It's never good to get scolded by your ma in front of someone you just fought. I kept thinking that she didn't have any right to talk to me or any of us like that. She wasn't our ma and we was grown men besides. Now it was a little better when she turned and started dressing down the other guys too. A couple of them even looked a little ashamed of themselves.

It looked like she had figured the ringleader for that bunch, which wasn't all that hard since he was the only one who didn't fight at all. When you're in charge, you can let other guys do your fighting for you. In the middle of scolding him and his men for picking on her boys—which didn't really help us look all that tough—she stopped and started studying the man's face.

"Don't I know you?"

She must've recognized him from somewhere because she was mad as a wet cat when she came in and not much was going to stop her from yelling out all that mad. She kept studying him and I think he did recognize her too because I saw fear cross his face for just a moment. I wish I had been smart enough to predict that a man like that was more dangerous when he was scared. Sam would have picked up on that but I still have a lot to learn from him. I actually felt more confident when I saw that fear and I thought he might just back away from her but I guess he was afraid that she'd place him eventually. There are things in Emma's past, people she knows, that would probably surprise us all and I'm guessing she knew something about this guy that could get him tossed in jail and maybe even hanged.

Things happened so fast right then. He grabbed her and put his gun to her head. My hand instinctively went to my Colt but he made it pretty clear that if any of us tried anything he would end her right then and there. We all just dropped our guns and he even made Buck give up his knife. The guys we had just beaten then got to tie us all up. The humiliation was getting to be more than I could bear and I don't think the others was dealing much better.

The men left with Emma. She tried to put on a brave face for all of us but behind her eyes, where you had to know her in order to know where to look, there was fear. No, fear didn't begin to describe it, terror. She was terrified and trying to hide it so's we wouldn't worry. I'll say I got a little mad at her for that. Maybe it wasn't fair but she had no right to make me feel like I'd done something wrong sticking up for myself, especially since I was also sticking up for Ike and Buck and she was always on us about how we was family and like brothers and all. Feeling like a terrible person and guilty about her terror wasn't what I should be feeling at all and I was right angry with her for making me feel that way.

Okay, so I was just trying to focus on the mad so I wouldn't think about how scared I was to lose her and how I knew it was my fault. There probably was a better way to handle things than how I had, just like there had been with Longley. If ever once in my life I could think before I grabbed a gun or started punching I might be the man worthy of her faith in me. But I wasn't. I was the man struggling on the floor with his hands and feet tied up while some kind of who knows how horrible outlaw had Emma and was taking her who knew where. The worst thought about then was that they might not want to take the chance she'd be rescued and might kill her quick to shut her up. They might never even give her a chance to think where she knew that man from. I heard a noise behind me and craned my neck around to see Ed the barkeep crawling for the back door of the saloon. I hollered at him that he'd better get us loose if he knew what was good for him. I might've been tied up and unarmed right then but he knew I'd get loose eventually and I'd come after him if he didn't do what I said. He crawled his way over nearer to us and found Buck's knife and cut us free. I shot him a glare for good measure. Somehow I'd make sure that Sam knew that Ed was going to leave us there and slow us going after Emma.

We all collected our guns and ran out into the street looking all around for any sign of the men or of Emma. I know I was hoping even though I knew it wasn't likely, that they had just used her to get out the door and would leave her once they was out. That wasn't what happened though 'cause we didn't see hide nor hair of any of them or of Emma. They must've been riding full out because there wasn't any trace at all. We looked around and finally Buck hollered out asking if anyone saw anything and someone pointed the direction they'd gone. We all mounted up and tore out like the devil was chasing our tails. Not too far out of the town Buck pulled up and jumped down off his horse. He said the tracks went two different ways. We needed to split up. I got stuck with Cody and I'll admit I wasn't so sure about his tracking abilities. I hoped to a God I wasn't even sure I believed in that he was even half as good as he claimed to be. I know I made some sort of threat he didn't deserve as I told him to get tracking. Not that he needed to be that good. I don't know how dumb they thought we were but I could've tracked these idiots. They were riding flat out and not making any attempt at all to throw us off. The most they did was split up and that wasn't much of anything. Of course I hoped that me and Cody was on the trail of Emma. I trust Buck and Ike with my own life but I wanted to see to her safety myself. Of course if I had been Buck and doubted Cody's abilities as much as he probably did and as much as I did I wouldn't have sent Cody on her trail and I knew Buck could tell which group she was in.

Cody tried talking for a while about that girl he was chatting with at the saloon, Linda. She was pretty enough I guess but it really wasn't the right time or place for that kind of talk. I snapped at him and went back to scowling hard. It was the only thing I could do to keep from thinking too hard about how scared I was. Now what right did that woman have making me feel scared for her? It just wasn't right. I wasn't scared of anything. I wasn't scared facing Longley, not really. Okay maybe I was a little but I handled it alright and no one needed to know. I probably should've let Cody go on talking about Linda. I think sometimes he talks to keep from letting his fear show like I scowl. Still I didn't want to hear it. After while he spoke again but I didn't hear him until he was near to yelling at me. I finally broke out of thinking how lost I'd be without that woman and how mad that made me to feel that weak and needy, to hear him say we'd be meeting up with Buck and Ike pretty soon. Apparently the tracks were turning and they just thought they'd make us give up or something by going two different ways. I may not be the smartest man to walk the earth but even I could've done better at throwing someone off my trail. Cody was right and for the first time that day I didn't want to punch him. Aw, that's not true. I was grateful when he jumped in the fight and really Cody wasn't a bad sort at all, just a little talkative for my taste. Right about then I think I might have hugged him if it hadn't been so important to figure out how to rescue Emma. Well that and the fact that he was nearly insufferable normally. Hugging him would probably be something like feeding a stray dog. One act of kindness and you'll never get rid of it.

So we decided we needed to spread out around the abandoned farm they'd holed up in to have a better chance of finding and rescuing Emma. I nearly froze at the thought that maybe she wasn't there to be rescued anymore. If she knew something about this guy that could get him hanged or something then once they were clear of us they might've just killed her. I shook my head to get that thought out of my mind. We had to assume that she was still alive and waiting for us to come and get her away from those lowlifes.

We all sort of staked out a space. Cody stopped in a stand of trees farther back. That rifle of his was good cover for those of us moving closer. I may doubt a good many things about Bill Cody but I will never doubt his aim or his eye. Ike went to a tree to one side of the house while I found one on the other side. We could see the men were out keeping watch around the building. We all saw the guy heading into the barn and Buck was closest anyway. Even if he wasn't, I'm pretty sure that was the guy who spat on him so he deserved to take care of that how he saw fit. I don't know exactly what happened in the barn except that once we was done taking care of the ones outside I saw Buck come out of the barn putting his knife back in its sheath. I saw the one creeping toward Cody and I think I even saw that idiot try to aim his gun with Cody's rifle in his face. Well, there's only one possible outcome of that and it's what happened.

I heard another few shots from the other side of the building and figured Ike dispatched his man too. The one I had in front of me wasn't much of a challenge either. Well, by my count—and I can count to five—that just left us with the head man in the operation, not that we ever really knew what the operation was. He must be the one with Emma. If Emma was still alive, that is. No, I couldn't even allow such a thought. I shook my head and hardened my face into a scowl again.

I heard the front door of the house open and saw the fella in charge walk out onto the porch. I'd've shot him on sight if not for the fact he was holding Emma in front of him as a shield. I'm an accurate shot and I'll stake my life on it but I will not bet hers. I spared a glance at the others just to be sure none of them were going to chance it either. Their faces reflected the feelings I was trying not to show. Well, I let the anger show pretty good but the fear and sadness I hid and I think I did a better job of that sometimes than the others. There's a drawback to that and it's that when you never show the hurt, people think you can't be hurt and they're often more hurtful to you. Emma knew that about me. She knew the things I hid and maybe it's because she was guarded about her own feelings but maybe it was because she cared enough to look. But it's the way I chose and I guess it was working fine enough for me. The guy holding Emma—I'll never call him a man because a man don't use a woman as a shield—hollered out something about how we'd better just put down our guns because he didn't have anything else to lose and he'd kill her if we didn't. I called out to him that we didn't care at all what else he done that our only concern was the woman and he could just let her go and we'd leave him be. I meant it too. Now we might just get on back to town and tell Sam about him but he'd've gotten a heck of a start by then and I would've been fine giving it if he would've just let Emma go.

I looked over and I think a couple of the guys was thinking about laying down their guns not thinking hard enough to do it but I could see it on their faces, that little bit of doubt. Emma shook her head though. I could see him pulling back the hammer on his pistol that was trained right at her head. The shot I had at him just wasn't clear enough. He was moving just a bit and she was struggling in his arms and there was nothing I could do right then. I was going to just have to stand there and watch him kill her. There's a fair amount a doc can do but if she took a head shot at a range like that then there was nothing anyone was going to do for her. I could feel the cold overtake me like the blood in my veins was freezing right there and there was little bits of ice catching and stabbing at my insides. The only thing I could do was keep my Colt trained on him and hope for a clear shot somehow.

It was then that I saw Emma work the gag out of her mouth. She didn't have much that she could move with her arms tied like they were but she managed a good elbow into his gut and yelled, "Now boys!"

Well I wish I could say that she got totally free from him but she didn't. We all fired though just as she told us. I could see that guy's body react to every shot that hit him but then I heard the scream. At least one of our bullets didn't make it to its target. I saw Emma fall to the floor of the porch and I didn't even think really just hollered out her name and ran. I knew we put enough lead in the creep that he wouldn't be much a danger to me. I got to her and that's when that dream, or rather, nightmare feeling got the strongest. I felt like I was standing over myself watching it all happen and watching myself pull her to me. She was alive and it looked like the bullet missed anything too important but she was bleeding hard. We used Ike's bandanna to cover the wound in her shoulder. And I'll admit what I done next was about the least helpful thing ever. I tore into the other guys. I blamed them for shooting her. I know it was probably my bullet lodged there. I was shaking more than I normally did and I think the sun or dust or something was getting in my eyes too. But I blamed the others and they blamed me and each other and it didn't do anybody any good, especially Emma who was still bleeding there on the porch. Finally someone, I think maybe Buck said we needed to stop fighting amongst ourselves and we're supposed to be family after all. I don't know who all said what after that but I picked Emma up and carried her over to Sundance. I think I said something about having to get her to the doc or some other such obvious thing. I held Emma tight to me all the way back.

We got into town and as we rode past the marshal's office I saw Sam come out the door. I hadn't thought of it before then but he had to've been worried sick when he saw her buckboard in town and no sign of her. He ran down the boardwalk alongside us until we stopped outside Doc Barnes' office. I'm a little unclear on what was said or who did what. All I know is I felt someone tugging at Emma and I held her tighter. I let her get hurt once and I wasn't about to again. That's when I felt the hand on my arm and I looked down at Sam.

"I've got her Jimmy," he said and I looked and that's when it truly registered that we were where we needed to get her. It was still hard letting go but then Sam wouldn't let harm come to her. Hell, if he had been in the saloon he probably wouldn't have let her get taken in the first place.

I watched helplessly as Sam carried her inside. Sometime after that Sam came out and demanded to know what happened. I admit I didn't listen to most of what Cody said. I'm sure it was at least close to the truth. He was too shook up to make up too much and if he did well that was just fine. I sat there lost in my own thoughts of how I was going to live with this. I had only just broken her heart with the whole Longley incident and now this. I should've walked away after I brought her father's watch back. She called me back and made me feel to home and I didn't deserve it in the least. I should have kept walking and gotten the hell away from her, from all of them. Then I chanced to look around at the rest and I didn't see the blame at me I thought I might. I saw each of them lost in thoughts that looked a great deal like mine. Even Cody who was trying to tell a good tale looked like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. She was their ma too. That made us brothers of a sort. Strange looking bunch we was but I think brothers all the same. Somehow it made me feel just a little better or maybe not quite as weighed down to know I wasn't alone. We might never really talk about it but then there wasn't a need to. We all knew and we all were there going through the same thing and hurting in the same way.

I don't recall when in Cody's telling Teaspoon wandered in but he quickly lost his smile and joking attitude when he found out what had happened. I almost flinched. It's funny how quick we can go back to being a little kid. If Emma was like a ma then Teaspoon in all his craziness was a pa and I know what happens when a pa gets mad. Well, I knew what happened when mine did and I sort of braced for it. I was big enough to fight back by then but for just that instant I forgot that and then he was all comforting words and concern for Emma and even a little concern for us to. People talk a lot about family and aside from the way my ma was to me when my pa wasn't there, I never got the appeal. I was starting to see it about then.

The doc finally came out and told us Emma would be fine. She's tough, our Emma. I didn't even need Doc Barnes to tell me that. We all wanted to see her, to see for ourselves that she was alright. Doc didn't look to happy about it but said she had asked for us all and would not hear otherwise. That was Emma through and through. We filed in looking like kids about to be hollered at, not because we thought she would yell but because we all felt we deserved it. She looked pale laying there as she reached for us and her hands were ice cold but her smile was warm as ever.

We tried to ask about the guy who held her but she only told us his name was Cheney and he was a pretty bad guy. Emma liked to keep some things to herself unless she felt they were worth knowing and she must've felt anymore than that wasn't worth knowing.

She went on about how we had to forgive ourselves and her too. She said if she hadn't spoken up that she knew him or even if she hadn't provoked them to begin with then things would've been different. I forgave her instantly without her even asking it and the other guys too. I know it wasn't their fault at all. Forgiving myself was a much harder task and I wasn't sure if I'd ever quite accomplish that. I'd try because she asked me to, I just wasn't sure if I was capable.

She went on to tell us she was proud of how we'd worked together and then she said the words that will stick with me the rest of my days.

"You're not alone boys, as long as you remember that you have a family here in this room, we'll all be just fine. We all have our demons to fight, and pasts to overcome… You have a choice, to walk a cold and lonely road or to let each other in and trust. I love each and every one of you… and I will fight for you, but I can't move the mountains for you."

Now I'd been on that cold and lonely road and it was the first time I really realized that the rest of the guys I was working with probably had too. I don't think I ever really felt there was a choice in the matter although I guess when I looked back at things I knew that I could have gone a different way many times. The thought that I could choose even when things seemed already chosen for me was new and might have been Emma's greatest gift to me.

I looked around the room and saw her words were hitting the other guys just as hard and they were maybe considering some things they hadn't ever before either. She might not be able to move the mountains for any of us but maybe all together we could find ways to move them ourselves.

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><p>Timshel by Mumford and Sons<p>

Cold is the water  
>It freezes your already cold mind<br>Already cold, cold mind

And death is at your doorstep  
>And it will steal your innocence<br>But it will not steal your substance

But you are not alone in this  
>And you are not alone in this<br>As brothers we will stand  
>And we'll hold your hand<br>Hold your hand

And you are the mother  
>The mother of your baby child<br>The one to whom you gave life

And you have your choices  
>And these are what make man great<br>His ladder to the stars

But you are not alone in this  
>And you are not alone in this<br>As brothers we will stand  
>And we'll hold your hand<br>Hold your hand

And I will tell the night  
>And whisper, "Lose your sight"<br>But I can't move the mountains for you

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><p><strong>So this all started when I was walking the dog one night and my random shuffle on my mp3 player hit on this song. I love this song and had long felt it was perfect as a vehicle for either a Jimmy or Buck story. So when I got in from walking Max the Wonder Pooch I got on the computer and Anita was on as well. I told her about hearing the song and how I felt it was good for one of those two. She took it a step further and proposed we do a story from two perspectives. She would write Buck and I would write Jimmy. As we chatted we thought we ought to include our fellow Carmina Buranas in the fun (seriously if you don't know that piece of music look it up...it will explain so very much). This has been nearly a month in the making and has including silly days and even silly video chats as we tried to figure logistics between three states and two time zones. I know I never dreamed that something like this would come from one random idea while walking my dog. These other ladies are crazy talented and I am so honored to have worked with them on this. And it doesn't hurt that we had all sorts of fun with it as well. I certainly hope you have enjoyed all four pieces of this puzzle.-J<strong>


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